I have been keeping it classy lately so be warned...
I got up at about 4:35 this morning. I felt as though I needed to visit the bathroom...ASAP. I was still connected to my cumbersome IV pole so I rung for the nurse. An orderly passed by and I explained why I needed a nurse. I believe he mistook my French for Swahili as minutes continued to pass with no heed to my call. Knowing my digestive system I know, as the late Ted Tevan would say, that I was running out of racetrack. I got up, unplugged my IV from the socket, schlepped it across the room all the while avoiding any nasty wire entanglement. I also needed to carry my pee pitcher (is that the proper medical term?) as the doctors monitor just about everything.
I make it to the bathroom. However, I have waited just a bit too long. In the name of politesse, let's just say both ends needed to be emptied simultaneously. Not usually a problem, unless you have up into a pee pitcher. I am a somewhat talented individual so the difficult was achieved with no mess.
All of a sudden it hit me. The theme from Chariots of Fire was at high volume in my mind. I could feel Blood Test Lady's imminent arrival. In my mind, I can feel the ward door opening. No, it is not in my mind, I can definitely here the trolley...sure enough I was still not done when she entered the room. I apologized and asked for 3 more minutes.
Upon her return to my room she told me I wake up quite early.